Well this is what its all about, doing this blog for my little boy Alfie so when he grows up he can read this and know what his mummy is all about, how we’ve both changed, the good days and the bad! the laughs, the pain, the hurt, the love, the cuddles, the kisses, the mummy and Alfie time, the silly little things he does to make me laugh, cry, crumble and most of all love him a million times over!
Right well before Alfie came into this world! i was a carefree, loving life, mad head and living in Spain where i met Daddy!!!!! My pregnancy was blighted from the word go! was heavy bleeding at 8 weeks, thought i was miscarrying but obviously not! So becuase of this is was back and forth to the spanish hospitals having scans to check his progress!
I’ve got to say who ever slats the spanish health care system is stupid! they were brilliant with me and i could only speak limited spanish! at 5 months i had my scan and was told Alfie had a serious heart condidtion that would result in multiple operations when he was born! They couldnt say how poorly he would be, or if he would survive the pregnancy or he could even be severly disabled due to lack of oxygen to his vital organs! DEVASTATED was not the words i would use, i was in bits! such a horrible horrible time and becuase of this i couldnt bond with Alfie or enjoy my pregnancy…..! me and daddy decided it was best for me to return to England as i couldnt work and the spanish working system over there is a bit dodgy to say the least, especially when your only seen as a holiday worker! employment laws mean naff all over there 😦
So anyways off to England i trotted and was referred to John Radcliff hospital! they were brilliant, Alfie was due on the 25th December 2010 and i would have to be induced on the 16th to start my labour as Alfie couldnt be born in my home town of Northampton
here a link to his condition! and operation he needed!
Scary!!!!!! right well on the 23rd of November 2010 i was called in for an emergency appointment to see the doctors, in preperation for his arrival the scan photo’s showed he had a hole in his heart and that it had closed up so basically i was admitted on to the maternity ward on the spot and told i would be having a c-section on the 25th November 2010 – now known as ALFIE’s Birthday! tramatic to say the least, i couldnt bond with Alfie and having a C-section made it ten times worse but i was soooo relieved to be having him out at last and in the responsibilty of the doctors who could try and make him better,
When he was born i remember having 15 + doctors / surgeons in the room, luckily only a couple at the exit window Alfie popped out off, he was tiny and he cried when he was pulled out! i just didnt fell anything, i was numb, shocked, like someone looking over on my life and not believing it was me! he was blue and tiny, only 5lbs 8oz and looked so delicate! they whisked him off straight away for his first op! we didnt get to see him until he was 6+ hours old and couldnt hold him until he was 5 days old! i lived at the hospital with him! stuck there by myself most of the time, but my family supported me and came to visit as much as they could.
At 10 days old we were taken to great ormand street for his main operation, by then he was doing soooo well, the first op had stablised him to the extent he didnt need to be on the monitors 24/7 but at Great Ormand Street he was striaght back on them, being proded and monitored while all through this he slept so nicely! it was such a blur back then that thinking about it now i feel guilty for not having those natural maternal instints to take him away and wrap him in cotton wool! i just didnt want to get my hopes dashed so i didnt hope! i know thats harsh but thats all i could do was to survive, another baby in the cardiac intensive care ward had the same op as Alfie and was still in intensive care after 4 months due to something going wrong! i was only 22, on my own and not really knowing how to feel!
but WOW what a recovery he made, he was back at John Radcliff after7 days of being in Great Ormand Street and home within 3 and half weeks of being born! he done sooooo welll! but he did lose a lot of weight, more than the usual new born and was still in 0-3 month clothes when he was 5 months old! its taken me a long time to build a connection with him! the pinicle moment came when the doctors told me he only needs yearly appointments and he’s repaired so well that they dont think he will need any more ops until he’s oder! thats when i finally broke down and the barriers came down! he was 1 and 3 months old!